Self Love is a discipline

Self-Love is a discipline

This morning, one of my best friends called to tell me about her recent meeting with the man she is in love with. The story is complicated as he has been reluctant to commit for the last 2 years. I can’t imagine anything she would not do or try to have him fall in love with her, but my dear friend ends the story with the words: “And again, I have behaved a way that he could not love me”


These few self-destroying words literally broke my heart! It seems like beating herself up with a strong whip voluntarily again and again.  My friend is a wonderful, sparkling, intelligent and energetic young woman. I know there are lots of men who would love to be her companion, however she has chosen one whose life is already complete ; he is controlled by the fear of losing himself in a relationship.  She keeps trying to make this man fall in love with her and continually puts herself in situations where her deepest fears are nourished over and over again:

Full Acceptance

I am not good enough, I am not beautiful enough, I am not worth it being loved!


It reminds me of the days when I used to buy clothes of size 34 although my size was 38: While twisting and squeezing my poor body into these tiny pieces of fabrics, I kept convincing myself that within a few days and a rigid diet I would eventually fit & look perfect – which of course never happened!


This can lead to the real danger when we no longer look out for size 38 and go straight away to nr 34. We trick ourselves and get used to the sensation of being uncomfortable, feeling too big and out of place; we get constant messages that we need to change. While looking with hungry eyes at those who are wearing nr 34 with grace and pride, we reinforce the message with every look in the mirror: “See, I am too fat, I am ugly, I look terrible, Nobody can love me like this!”


We have the possibility to change our habits and way of thinking.


It is up to us if we want a new perspective.   One where we discover all the beauty and freedom beyond the social ‘should be’s’ and appreciate the individuals whose bodies happen to be numbers 38, 40, 44!


The same way as it depends on us if we wear clothes that make us feel comfortable, free and worth of being loved, the same way we have the choice who we want to be with in our free time and feel loved and appreciated!


Self-love is a choice in every moment in our life – and has its roots in the quality of our thoughts.


Self-love is a discipline, which also means that we can lose it at any moment.  Our minds are very powerful but will easily go down self-defeating paths if not observed and trained in a positive way.


Self-love needs to be trained so it will become part of who we are, what we think and how we act.   When self-love is present, we can say what we think, do as we say, and truly be ourselves.

Only then can others have a possibility to love us exactly for the special soul inside of us and for who we really are.


Almost every physical illness has its origin in the lack of Self-love and Self-acceptance. In a recent lecture of Aadil Palkhavala, he reminded us: “We have a home (our heart and inner voice) and live somewhere else (our mind and self expectations). We have a home and live somewhere else…. This is what makes us sick, unhappy and depressed.”


Ask yourself each day: “Am I excited to spend another day with myself? Am I willing to go in search of the precious, unique being I am at the depth of my essence?”


We can make the choice and affirm:


I fully and completely love myself! I am worthy of being loved!

Self-Love is a discipline
Love yourself and you can love others

Like physical exercise, we can train this thought daily and integrate it into our lives!


Because Self-love is not a gift –
Self-love is a discipline that can be embodied by each one of us, at every moment!


To do so in an entertaining and powerful way, I am sending you the link to one of my favorite songs:
I am the light of my soul
interpreted by David Lurey